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Beneath the valley of the Ultra-Vixens
[DVD]

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Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens is a sex farce/satire/comedy/porno flick with homages to Our Town and jibes at the Catholic church thrown in. There has to be more boob flesh per square foot of celluloid in this film than any other film of all time. You could film a boob named Booby McBoob drowning in a sea of boobs and youd struggle to get more boob on the screen than King Leer does right here. Its almost frightening.

Lamar (Ken Kerr) is a boob. A hillbilly boob that works in a junkyard owned by Junkyard Sal (Jane Mack), a black woman with boobs that are only beaten in size by her outrageously mutant cheekbones. She has two other boobs working for her and they frequently battle with the Lamar boob because he gets to screw Junkyard Sal between wrecking cars and lifting things.

Meanwhile, back home, Lama is having trouble with his girlfriend (Kitten Natividad). See, she likes having sex, but not in the way Lamar likes to deliver it (the back door). She too has humungous boobs and shows them frequently as shes being uber-rogered by her man.

So she decides that maybe Lamar needs a change of scenery and opts to dress up as a Mexican girl (not a stretch, since shes Mexican and her costume consists of a wig), seduce Lamar and give him what for. Only it doesnt work, so she drags him off to the dentist, who happens to be gay and most interested in Lamars butt fetish. To the point where Lamar ends up locked in a closet while the dentist bashes away at it with a sledgehammer and meows like a pussycat.

Like I said, none of this makes any sense. But it is funny. And there is much nakedness. And as bad as the actors are, theres little doubt theyre having a blast doing what theyre doing. Even the sex scenes are as animated as you are ever likely to see. I honestly dont think I could nail a woman they way these women get nailed and thats a tough admission for an alpha male to make.

Sometimes a bad actor in a bad movie can find a cult following and turn that notoriety into a long career. Not this crowd Ken Kerr didnt do another movie for five years, then he appeared in something called Thundering Ninja and was never heard from again. Jane Mack appeared in this film and then promptly disappeared. Kitten Natividad, though having appeared in many films, has never yet managed to be in one that didnt depend on her flailing her ridiculously large sized boobs around like giant orbs of death. In fact, its a good bet that Russ Meyer has been responsible for more plumbers, waitresses and insurance salesmen being able to boast I was in a movie once than any other director.

And why not? When all you need is for someone to say some bad lines, do a double take, then strip naked and pretend theyre having sex, why would you obsess over the minor details? Meyer knew his audience frustrated teen males and he fashioned movies to suit that market. None of his colleagues had the balls to do it, even when Meyer movies were making a fortune, because none were prepared to go where Meyer spent his career.

But it wasnt a death sentence by any means. Ebert climbed out of the Meyer scriptwriting stigma and became perhaps the most widely know, if not important, film critic on the planet.
Date Added: 04/18/2013 by Mungo
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